The Downtown

finally i got the chance to ge with my sister to San Fransisco downtown before the holiday is over so we can enjoy the crowd and the holiday decoration,, we were supposed to do some shopping there,, but when we got there we just enjoyed walking there and breathing fresh air and drinking hot coffee.

here are some pix

Feeling
Why does it seem like forever and a day?when all you want to do is hide away? a never ending feeling of panic, desperation and fearwhen your alone when no one is near
What's the point of being alive?when you aren't living all you do is survivethe light in the tunnel is nowhere in sight all you can do is struggle and fight
Is it my fault do I need to do more?Have I lost the plot don’t I realise the score?Why cant somebody make it alright?make me feel better make me sleep at night?
Food was a comfort it numbed the painbut now its useless because it's been used again and againwanting to scream but no voice will come outlost and confused what do I scream about?
Wanting to cope with all this on my ownmy innermost feelings I don’t want to be shownpeople around me trying to aidbut all my hope is starting to fade....
Sarah Wardle

The Journey

The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

i hate him!!

today i needed to be able to meet with my teacher to check my final paper,, and when i got there he was not there ,, so i had to see someone else who pissed me off,,
well i know my english is not perferct and i have grammar issues
when this teacher read the paper ,each line he read he said " this doesn't make any sense for me"" or " huh what are you pointing at" or you are " writing writing and writing but there is no point"
it is really sad when you work that hard for your final paper and then you hear all of these comments. The other part is after saying his offensive comments, he looks to the other tutor on the desk next to him and smiles,, i felt so hurt ,, i took my paper from him and i said " i appreciate" and i went away feeling so down!!

Long time no blogging

i didn't blog for a while because it is THE FINALS' WEEk,, even though i am just taking two classes but i have alot of work to do.
this semester was very diffrent for me,, it was just two classes one of them is during the weekend and the other one during the evening.
i had a job that i wroked in then i quit after a while.
that semester was the worst semester in my life because i made a lot of choices and decisions that didn't work the way i wish,,
and then i am setting here blaming myself and thinking that the few months passed with no acheivings,,
i know i sound very depreesed but i will think about the positive part that i will be more careful in my choices next time,, and life is not over yet!!
Hey Hibo you are the best!!

I Hate This Feeling!!

It really hurts when you are not heard
you are trying to say something you want to bring something out of you but you are not heard or they hear and they don't beleive you or just they don't care!!
you shout and yell very loud you are trying to show them where is the blood coming from but they don't want to listen
it is hard
i feel disappointment

how life would be if you get rid from your biggest fear??

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS QUOTE?

LIFE CAN BE FOUND ONLY IN THE PRESENT MOMENT, THE PAST IS GONE, THE FUTURE IS NOT YET HERE, AND IF WE DO NOT GO BACK TO OURSELVES IN THE PRESENT MOMENT WE CANNOT BE IN TOUCH WITH LIFE
THICH NHAT HANH

i belevie that we are a product of the past and the future they both motivate us to live our present,, but if we consume the time thinking about past and future we will wake up saying oh shoot i missed living my life and we will stay standing at one point and we will never move!!
past is gone , future is not here yet,, so live your present!

JORDAN

i am so curious to learn about how Jordan changes after spending 3 years away living in another country,,
i remember my house there in a new city that has few complete houses and other still building ones,
i remember the snow there which we don't have here
i remember the school pressure and the exams and the H.W and worrying all the time about the grades,,
i remember Ramadan and i miss it because we never feel it here,,
i miss the pray sound
i remember walking on the street and hearing dozens of comments from people about others and about me and who i walk with
i remember the messy traffic
i remember our neighbors and a good relation and connection with them

i have many positive thoughts about Jordan ,, but still i like where i live now more

The U.S is much more different than how Arab see it,, i am not judging if it is better or worse,, each living in Arabic culture or American culture has pros and cons, BUT what i like more in the American culture than Arabic culture

is

how people are free to express their feelings and their thoughts,, they are very able to define it and recognize it and honor it.

when you ask someone How are you or how are you feeling he or she gives the right for himself to say something more than FINE. there body language, Face Expression, and language are all used as tools to express feelings. BUT in an Arabic culture as i was telling my sister the other day when you talk to someone it is like you are talking to a STONE that has no feelings. Arabs are grown up learning that we have to Obey and listen but we can't talk!!